I DID IT!!!
I FINALLY FINISHED! 60 whole days of yoga, done, bam, under my belt.
I feel amazing, and I feel unstoppable.
I finished on Thursday, and it’s been a couple days. I decided to take a break- from the my practice, from Tumblr, from eating so painfully carefully. I needed it. And now I’m back!
So how’d my last class go?
It… went. I went in there with the idea that I was going to be unstoppable during class. I’d do every pose, and I’d do my best. I’d kick ass at all the poses! And then at the end of class, confetti and streamers and balloons would fall from the ceiling, and my fellow yogis would lift me up on their shoulders shouting, “three cheers for Whitney! Hip hip HOORAY!”
That’s feasible, right?
Anyways, so practice started, and I was like, ALRIGHT LETS DO THIS. I sun saluted like I champ. I half mooned like I had been doing it my whole life (by whole life, I mean the past 60 days). I trikonasanaed like someone held a protractor up to me. I awkwarded the hell out of awkward?
Actually awkward was awkward in a way. Because that’s exactly the pose where my body registered, “oh, today is the last day of the 60 day challenge? OH HELL YEAH!” and then proceeded to put up a fight against me.
The room instantly started to feel hotter. I pushed ahead anyway. It came time for standing head to knee and I kicked out into the full expression of the posture, challenge achieved! However, I struggled for the rest of the standing series and the inversion series. The heat was totally getting to my head.
When we got to the floor series my body was totally like, “NOPE.” My heart wouldn’t stop pounding down in my chest. I had to give myself a break from some of the postures, and that really sucked. I was supposed to knock this last class out of the ballpark!
Finally the end of class came, the instructor congradulated all of us 60 day’ers by name, and I laid in savasana for longer than usual, because it was the sweetest savasana I had ever laid in.
60 days of yoga. I did it!
GAAAAH I’M ALMOST DONE!
I long ago decided that I was going to push hard til the very end of this challenge. There’s no way I’m going to be slacking in the end! So of course for day 59 I pushed my hardest and did my best- and was rewarded with a totally kick ass practice.
As we started our practice, the same thoughts creeped into my head that I’ve been having for about a week and a half now- oh man this is going to be a long 90 minutes. But suddenly we were finishing up triangle and the whole practice ended up flying right by at warp speed!
Luckily the room wasn’t as hot as the day before, so I didn’t give myself any free passes for unnecessary breaks. I only laid down once, for the short set of standing bow, because I was starting to get light headed. During standing head to knee I decided I was going to give it everything I had to complete my goal of getting into the final expression of the posture. During the minute long first set I decided to kick out halfway though- and it wasn’t as hard to hold as it had been in the past. Then during the shorter second set I gave it all I had- I kicked out, I brought my elbows closer in to my knees, and brought my nose to my knee. My standing leg wobbled a bit, so I took a deep breath in and out, and sent my strength and my energy to my standing leg. I was beautifully in the full expression of the posture, and held it the entire 30 seconds. Goal achieved!
Practice continued to whiz by. At the water breaks I got my fill and was standing, ready to go- usually I wish water breaks were like 10 minutes long! During the floor series I went ahead and did salahabasana (locust) even though I hate it- and couldn’t believe how high up my legs got. I wish my bony hips didn’t dig into my arms so much, or I might enjoy it more!
The end of my practice came so fast, and I felt like a million bucks. Today is my last day of this challenge and I can’t wait. I could lay in savanasa the whole time with it being perfectly acceptable and understandable, but will I? No way. I’m pushing myself to the very end of this challenge, and I’m so excited to see how far I’ll go in my last practice and how much fun it will be!
Can I just stop for a second and say that I cannot believe how far I’ve come in the challenge? Two classes left, that’s IT! Man. Incredible.
Monday I had a lesson reiterated to me in my practice for the millionth time- don’t bring your problems into the yoga room with you. I guess I could have planned things better, but I’m running out of time.
Before my 6:30 yoga class I decided to shoot up to Long Beach and talk to one of my old bosses. When I was in college for about a year I used to work as a server in this SUPER delicious Italian restaurant. The hours were awesome (like 3-4 a shift) and the tips were good. The time when I worked there was the only time in my life I’ve ever been able to live semi-comfortably (also I wasn’t paying rent at the time). Since I’m in such a pinch needing to get a job ASAP I thought I’d stop by the restaurant’s original location and talk to my old boss there, who came up to the restaurant I worked at every weekend. He said he didn’t have any openings at the moment and would like to give people more hours, but to let him see. Also keep pestering him about it, stop in every so often or call and such.
Alright, no worries, I understand.
I had also been wanting to talk to my yoga studio owner about a position there. He used to have a manager, but a month and a half ago she moved up to San Francisco with her boyfriend. He said he wasn’t going to rehire anyone for the position and would just work it himself. I thought it was worth a shot asking him if I could work the position until I found something else. So I decided to head to the studio about 15 minutes early to catch him after he taught the class before mine. He told me he wasn’t hiring anyone for the position due to financial reasons and wasn’t sure when he would in the future, or if he was going to hire from the community or what.
Ugh, bummer.
So I went back to stretching before my practice, and instantly a thick flood of panicky thoughts filled my brain. I got mad at myself that I was SO sure I would get either, even both positions. I started worrying about what I would do next. I wanted to get in front of my computer and keep looking for jobs ASAP. I realized that I might not be able to come to the yoga studio after the end of the month.
And as I started my practice, I tried to fight back these thoughts in my head, but it’s so hard fighting my anxiety, ESPECIALLY in a hot and humid room. I pushed through my practice, but it was hard, so so hard. I hate having this kind of stress on my shoulders and getting in the way of my practice when it’s supposed to be my mental vacation and making me feel better.
Yesterday was a little better. I was ready and rearing to go! We started our practice, and I gave it all I had. As we did our sun salutations I really put some effort into my chaturanga- am I a freak for enjoying watching myself in the mirror? Cos really, I love it. I look so strong doing my chaturangas. As we got into our second set of half moon I realized something very important- it was hot as fuck.
This is a problem.
In the last 20 classes or so, somehow I lost the ability to really care about the rooms temperature. I accepted that it was going to be hot, hotter in some parts of the room and not as hot in others, but either way it was going to be hot. And I was going to sweat, a lot, and probably get a considerable amount of that sweat in my eyes. And once this magical moment happened mendaciously to me, I stopped feeling the heat.
But yesterday I felt the heat. It was THAT hot. And it smelled like a sauna, too. I thought it was the wood they used in saunas that made it have that smell- but maybe it’s just the heat. Can heat have a smell? It sure seemed like it.
My practice was much harder in this crazy heat. I didn’t want to hold triangle, and I didn’t want to finish awkward. Those poses raise my heart rate so much, and in the heat I felt like I was going to die! Finally we got to our first water break. It was like Christmas. It was glorious! Next we had standing separate head to knee, and I was ready for the posture since I’m challenging myself to get into the full expression by the end of this challenge. I stood in the middle of my mat, ready to go. And then my brain decided, “NOPE!” too hot, and I gave into a savasana during the first longer set, while promising to push myself harder during the shorter second set. I did- and I did awesome! I kicked out my leg, and just decided to go for it.. and had my face come to my knee with minimal supporting leg wobbling. KICK ASS!
The rest of the practice went pretty well, even with the heat. I struggled a bit, mostly because I’ve still been having trouble getting in enough calories in the day. My anxiety and stress coupled with my reduced hours is making it hard to hit the number I need to hit.
Today is my second to last day. I cannot believe it!
I can’t believe it, my last weekend of my challenge has come and gone! I decided to go out with a bang and do a double on Saturday to make up for my beach day last Sunday.
To prepare for my last weekend (and to deal with my needing to do laundry predicament) and to treat myself I decided to buy a pair of the Nike Pro Combat compression shorts. Oh god I love them, they are so wonderful and absolutely perfect for hot yoga! They’re Dri-Fit so they don’t suck up sweat and they provide me with a complete range of motion- which means I can focus on my practice 100% and don’t have to worry about adjusting my clothing during a posture or standing savasana!
I started my double with a Hot Power Flow vinyasa class. Our instructor Laura explained to us at the beginning that she had FINALLY gotten her husband to take a class, and when she asked his input later he said it was, “the same old thing.” So she decided to show him, and switched everything up for this practice- and we were going to be focusing on balancing postures! Thanks, Laura’s husband! I immediately worried if I’d be able to push through to do a second class with so many balancing postures, but quickly pushed the thought out of my mind and got to work- I wasn’t about to set myself up for failure!
The HPF ended up going awesomely- Laura’s classes always leave me feeling so invigorated! I was totally ready for more. She comes up with the best flows that are challenging that really push you to your limit!
I had a half hour break in between classes before I started Stephanie’s 90 minute class. I was ready to go once we started! I decided to just give it everything I had and was rewarding in the end- my practice went great! I decided to lay in savasana during the 30 second set of standing head to knee and standing bow so I didn’t push too hard, on account of all the balancing poses I had done the hour before. Towards the last third of class I started feeling headachey- I didn’t have enough to eat during the day, and probably should have had a banana between classes. That night I was going to take my little brother out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Slaters 50/50 (home of the 50% beef 50% bacon burger, YUM!) which has the most amazing create your own burgers- so around the time the floor series started, I started mentally constructing the burger I was going to devour later that night. It DEFINITELY helped me get through my practice! It’s crazy how much I think about food in there. I guess it doesn’t help that usually I practice from 6:30-8 on an empty stomach!
Sunday I did another HPF class again, and Laura was teaching on her regular day. My legs were feeling a little sore from all the balancing I did the day before, so I was a little apprehensive going into my practice. I quickly decided that’d I’d just do the best I could do and find my edge and try to work past it- which I did with ease! The heat really warms your muscles up pretty quickly and makes the soreness go away. Luckily Sunday’s class was MUCH easier then Saturday’s!
We did one flow that I absolutely LOVED. We went from being folded over to rising into a tadasana with one leg lifted in front of us. From there we brought our hands into prayer and folded into chair pose with one ankle resting over our knee, and our arms resting on our horizontal leg. When we stood up we kept the bent knee raised and then slowly kicked it out behind us into warrior 3. I didn’t fall out of the posture ONCE! Oh man it was incredible. I felt so powerful, and I felt so strong- and that’s why I love vinyasa flow so much. That, and chaturanga. I LOVE chaturanga. Is it weird to say that? DGAF, I love them. And I love doing one legged chaturangas. They make me feel like a badass.
I’m starting to get into the last couple of days into my challenge, and you would think that they’d be getting so easy by now, but they’re almost a challenge in themselves!
I am getting so sick of the Bikram series.
I’m sick of doing the same poses in the same order, I’m sick of the dialog, I’m sick of the class being 90 minutes long.
Now don’t get me wrong- deep down I still love it. I love progressing every week and feeling like a pro at the series. But after SO many days in a row, I find the whole thing to be getting kind of stale. I started switching up my weekends and attending the Hot Power Flow classes to do a new vinyasa flow each time and not spend so much time at the studio, and it’s helped a bit. But some days when you really don’t feel like going cos you’re tired, and then you get there and do the same thing you did for the last 54 days- it kind of sucks.
53 was kind of a blah practice because I was cranky about being bored.
Luckily 54 went SO much better because I was excited it was my last candlelight class. Candlelight.. not my favorite.
I’m on a mission to finish this challenge, and looking forward to the end SO much- I’m really stoked to get back into the gym and start my strength training/yoga split!
I really don’t have too much to say about the last two yoga classes. They were good. My stomach didn’t bother me. I pushed myself in every pose.
My intention for these past few classes and the next couple to go are about not really having any set intention in my practice. I just looked at this great article from Yoga Journal about ways to set an intention, and theirs is pretty parallel with my own:
- Chill out! Life isn’t stressful unless you let it stress you out. So, my intention is to just chill out for the next hour and a half and RELAX for a change.
- Be OK with where I am right now, and realize it’s the perfect place for me. My best is good enough!
- Fill up, take care of myself, and emerge refreshed and energetic. No more running on fumes.
- Turn inward–if only for a few moments.
- Take the lessons I learn on the yoga mat and apply them into all the other areas of my life.
SO MANY CHALLENGES ON TOP OF MY CHALLENGE!
This shit is getting redic.
Life’s new challenge for me is dealing with this massive amount of stress I’m under. As you may or may not know, last week I pretty much lost my job and the room I’m renting. This is incredibly crippling for me, as I’m completely on my own out here in lovely So Cal. My mom and step dad recently moved to Oregon from Montana into a small apartment and don’t have extra space. My dad lives in Wyoming, and there’s a list of 50 reasons why I couldn’t live with him. Neither of my parents are in any position to help me out, nor do I want them to help me out- they’ve already done SO much for me. And I’m 25. I need to quit relying on other people.
I’m trying to deal with this stress the best I can- applying what I’ve learned in my yoga practice, going to my yoga practice, being kind to myself, not letting all my responsibilities or thoughts all pile up, etc. So far I’ve been pretty good at it, much better than I’ve ever been. Old Whitney would be practically catatonic with depression, self-pity, and overwhelming stress.
However, I may be internalizing all this stress, or not dealing with it properly, or maybe (!!!) I’m under too much, I don’t know. All this stress is making my body go on freak out mode. It’s like my vessel was in auto pilot and hit some serious turbulence, and now the gauges are spinning, the lights are flashing, and the panic siren is going off. Some days, I’m too anxious to eat anything and the thought of food makes me feel like throwing up. Other days, I feel like I can’t get full no matter what. But what has become nearly every day now, whatever and whenever I eat will not agree with my stomach. A few hours after I eat anything my stomach starts gurgling- loudly. My stomach starts to badly hurt, I get gassy and I get bloated. And it is not fun, not fun at all. I feel like one of those African kids with the distended bellies, only without the flies on my face. The cramping and pain and gas lasts until I take something- sometimes- or pretty much until it damn well feels like stopping.
This sucks.
I picked up a digestion enzyme supplement to hopefully help me out a little bit, although it’s kind of annoying to remember to take 15-30 minutes before I eat. My mom suggested ginger tea too, which I think I’m going to give a shot. Other then that I’m loading up on anti-gas meds to chomp down when the pain and bloating hits.
So what does all this digestion crap have to do with my practice? A lot, unfortunately.
Yesterday I dragged my sorry, stupid tired carcass to practice. Oh god, SO tired. The room was filled to the brim- no room for even one more mat! It was kind of exciting. My practice was going okay, even though I was so tired. And then we got to the standing balancing series, and I felt those all too familiar bubbles and gurgles. Shit. By the time we were in the inversion posture series I felt bloated and was NOT looking forward to the floor series. And when it was time for the floor series I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to curl up into child’s pose and stay like that for the rest of class.
So needless to say my day 50 practice sucked. I didn’t do many of the poses in the last 15 minutes of class and laid in savasana instead, silently swearing at my digestive system and my forgetting to take one of those digestive enzymes when I had a peanut butter banana sandwich for a snack earlier.
These last few days have been a pretty tough practice. I’ve been so tired- mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted.
I have definitely got too much on my plate right now.
Friday was the candlelight class and I feel like I was just going through the motions. I came, I did my practice, I laid in savasana often, and I left.
Saturday I did a hot power flow class, and Laura was a sub- so it was a harder class! We were focusing on lots of twists to prepare us for side crow. 5 minutes in my body was pretty much like, “NO”. It had been hot outside so the room was extra hot and my legs were so so tired. But I pushed through, and ended up feeling great- and worn out- after practice.
For some reason I always crave fresh fruit after Laura’s classes. Saturday it was green grapes. Weird.
Sunday.. I decided to skip. Shame on me, shame!! I know I know, but- I needed the break, really. I had hit a wall job searching, I was so tired from my practice, and I just needed a day to recover. Plus it was 87 degrees and I quickly remembered the hot horror the room had been the day before.
So instead I spent the day on the beach in my bikini with my friends and had fish tacos and a virgin margarita, and it was pretty much amazing. I think the universe heard my pleas for a little color :]
Today is day 50. 10 days left. Holy shit!
Followers, this has been a monumentally rough week.
Apparently, the universe or fate or whatever decided that I needed another challenge on top of my challenge.
On Monday my hours at work got cut from 8 a day to 4. I am barely getting by on 8 hours as it is, so you can imagine how impossible getting by on 4 will be. It’s worse then getting fired imo.
On Tuesday my roommates gave me 30 days notice to move out.
So in the span of 36 hours I lost both my job (pretty much) and my home.
As a responsible adult I should be quitting the challenge now and dedicating those 2 hours a night to looking for a job. Ugh, I know I should. But I’m not going to. I’m going to finish this challenge. I have 15 more days to go, that’s it, and then the challenge is done.
Besides, I need yoga to help keep me calm and centered during this time. I need yoga to keep my sanity. I need yoga to be my escape, my relaxation, my mental vacation. I also don’t know how long I’ll be able to continue practicing as I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stay in the area, and that pains me the most. I LOVE my studio. I have the greatest opportunity to practice there. The studio is my home! I don’t want to leave.
Day 45 was a tough practice. I took the day off of work as I was an absolute mess the night before. I didn’t cry when I got the news about my job. In fact, I haven’t really cried much at all lately. I’ve been a champion at sucking it up and sucking it in. But losing both my job and my home, not to mention many of the things that come with those two things? I was a crying, snotting, completely lost mess on the phone with my mom Tuesday night. I spent the day working on my resume and applying for jobs, and then headed to practice. I tried to leave my problems at the door and did an extremely good job of it considering the weight I had on my shoulders.. but at the same time, I was so exhausted. So mentally and emotionally exhausted. Not sleeping well, not eating as much as I should.. it quickly takes a toll on my yoga practice.
Day 46 was considerably easier, which in one sense was very weird because I hardly slept the night before and hardly ate during the day because I was so consumed with anxiety. But the cute guy was at practice again, right in front of me, so I pushed myself in show-offy mode again. It was a pretty good distraction from my problems, and hey, I’ll take it!
I just feel like an idiot cos as I left that night, he was hanging outside the studio. Did I stop to chat? NO, because 1) I’m oblivious as fuck to everything, and 2) I felt like a retard post-shower with a pink towel wrapped around my head. Ugh. Still cringing.
Yesterday I got to class early to stretch as I usually do. A minute of pigeon pose on each side to help me get deeper into triangle. Stretching my legs out in front of me and grabbing my feet and folding over my legs to stretch my hamstrings out. A downward dog or two.
And while I was stretching a really cute guy plopped his mat down right next to mine! There was plenty of room in the studio as it was only a little over half full, but.. I definitely noticed.
Did I mention that I’m single as fuck? Yes, I notice every instance like this!
We began our 90 minute practice, and I’ll admit I was being pretty show-offy. I pushed myself deep into the poses, made myself look as cute as I could in half moon as I bent over sideways to my edge, pushed myself deeper into my back bend. I went deeper into triangle, and kicked out halfway during the first set of standing separate head to knee. I only skipped one set of pose, and that’s because my legs were tired, damnit!
My eyes kept wandering over to this guy the whole time. He was muscly, not gorilla juice head muscly but just the right amount that I loooove. He was tanned, which in my professional opinion I think was not real- he didn’t have the surfer board short tan line cos I would have DEFINITELY noticed that! He kept making the goofiest faces at himself in the mirror while he was holding poses. And when we bent over for standing separate leg stretching pose I noticed he had a pretty cute butt. I also noticed that he was using a Manduka mat which only tells me one thing- if you are going to drop $100 on a quality mat, you like yoga a whole lot.
Umph. Guys who do yoga are SO hot.
The time came at the end of class where we were laying in final savasana, and afterwards I started folding up my towel and rolling up my mat. While I was doing so the cute guy next to me gave me a thumbs up and said with a smile, “good job!”
I thanked him and complimented him on his practice as well, and we got to talking about yoga. He asked me what my name was, and I did the same. “Nice to meet you!”
You, too. :]
